i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
