there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
