He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
