So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
