Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
