It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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