I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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