Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
