the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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