you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
