i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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