i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
