Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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