Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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