Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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