He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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