If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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