i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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