home. puking in laundry basket.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
