Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
