there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
