She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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