you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
