he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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