I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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