He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
