8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
