Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
