If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
