u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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