kristin has been a bad kristin
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
