I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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