You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
