Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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