ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
