I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
