im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
