I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
