She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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