You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
