Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
