He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize