Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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