Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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