She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
