life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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