went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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