Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
