My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
