I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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