so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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