i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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