the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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