Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
