I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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