She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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