i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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