It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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