i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
