What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
