last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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