Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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