So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
