So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
