'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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