Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize