worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
