They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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You need a sexual gate keeper
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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