so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
