Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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