i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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