and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
