True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
