oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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