Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
