The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
