the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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