Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
