Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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